Making choices is hard, which is a very curious truth to stumble upon.
On the one hand, some decisions are hard to make because choosing the wrong one will ruin our lives. On the other hand, some are hard because we’re just indecisive worry warts.. and for an unlucky number of us, it’s a combination of both.
Sometimes, we humans agonize over things that should be simple and have absolutely no negative consequences. For example, “What should I order at the restaurant?”
Is this you? I mean, how many times have you stared at the menu, heart beating as fast as hummingbird wings because the waitress is looking at you with her pen poised to write and there you sit, silent, clueless, and overwhelmed?
(If this is you, I totally understand why you might order the same meal everywhere you go… and I am not judging).
Besides being a nervous wreck while ordering food, there are also the non-restaurant related choices we often overcomplicate, such as, “Which book should I check out from the library?” Or “What outfit will I wear today?”
Do the answers to these questions matter in the grand scheme of your life? Probably not. But that doesn’t stop you from wigging out over them anyway, right? (Don’t feel bad about this by the way. It’s a very human thing to do).
Then again, some of the choices we stress over weigh so heavy on our shoulders that we feel the world — or at least our world— might come to a sudden crashing halt if we make the wrong one.
Like these, for example:
- Which college should I attend?
- What should I say in this interview when the boss says to tell him about myself?
- How should I raise my children?
- Which rules of my religion can be ignored? Which ones are non-negotiable?
- Which school is the right one for my kids?
- What is "a good person?”
- Who should I marry?
- Which city should I move to?
- Which political party makes the most sense?
But regardless of whatever choices you have been presented with look like, my point is this:
- Everyone must make choices throughout their lives.
- Making the right ones is often overwhelming and difficult
These problems are compounded further when we take into account that so much more pressure is shoved into our already stress-filled lives because of time.
Think about all the choices that would have been easier if only you hadn’t been forced to stare at an hourglass while you were making them.
- Better buy this house now before someone else snatches it up (and the quality of my life takes a nosedive).
- Better hurry up and fill in all my skipped test answers with “B” or they’ll just be counted wrong (and the quality of my life will take a nosedive).
- Better settle for this job I hate because my savings will run out if I don’t (and then the quality of my life will take a nose dive).
- Better choose this major and attend this college or my enrollment deadline will expire (and the quality of my life will take a nose dive).
- Better get a move on and get married or I’ll die alone (and the quality of my life will take a nose dive).
Ok, time to stop playing this broken record, but I do have point, and that point is this: I get it. Choices are hard, dude. And being pressured into making them is even harder.
In fact, it’s my passion to teach people how to ask themselves the right questions in order to help them streamline the process sorting through hard choices, and believe me, it IS a process (a journey, even, — if you will).
Now, I am aware that sounds like a weird thing to be passionate about. You might be asking, “What do you mean you’re passionate about ‘helping people ask themselves questions?’”
Let me explain.
Often, we experience incredible fear of “getting it wrong.” Insert anything you want for the “it” in that sentence. Whatever choices you feel like will ruin your life if you choose the wrong ones… those fears boil down to overwhelming sense of terror:
You are afraid of ruining your future.
That’s right, your big fear is that life will go from good to bad (or bad to worse). And even more horrible than that, you’re afraid you’ll only have yourself to blame.
Nobody wants a ruined life, and even more than that, nobody wants to think they ruined their own life.
And PSA, there’s nothing wrong with you for feeling like this. After all, society teaches us FROM BIRTH that most of our choices should hold an unnaturally heavy amount of weight— and the list of “all important decisions” that hold that weight is made up of more choices than we even the mental capacity to give attention to. Plus, unnecessarily short timelines have been socially constructed for — and attached to— the making of those decisions.
So, feeling the fear that you’ve been taught to fear is normal and expected.
But the good news is, it doesn’t have to stay like that. In fact, there’s a skill you can choose to adopt, and commit to develop… which will allow you to apply solid decision making skills in all of your different “life slices.” (Work, friendship, romance, etc.)
In fact this learnable ability is the most important skill a human being could possibly possess! (This is not an opinion. Fight me).
Not only that, but it exists as the corner stone of my passion (and therefore, the lifeblood of Discerner’s Journey).
That skill is called “discernment” and it is the skill of making choices. The Oxford dictionary has this to say about it:
Discernment is the ability to show good judgment about the quality of something or someone.
If you didn't know that, don’t worry. It’s not a commonly used word, and most of the people who do know what it means aren’t quite aware of its extraordinary importance. However that’s exactly what I hope to change in this world. I want to share two things with people just like you:
- The definition of discernment, and WHY it’s the most important skill to learn
- How to learn this skill so well that it becomes second nature to use it in every area of life
Think about how much better your life would be if you had a concrete decision making formula that you could tweak slightly for every choice you make?!
Imagine if you could whip out a flow chart for EVERY. Single. Choice. In. Your. Life! And I don’t mean a big, bulky, mile long piece of paper that must be carried with you everywhere… I mean a simple, easy to follow mental flowchart that you created yourself and therefore can never forget?
It’s not easy. It’s still a challenge, I want to be very clear about that. My expertise is not in making difficult choices into easy ones. My expertise is in boiling complicated choices with seemingly infinite answers… down to two. This way it becomes a challenge to decide between two and only two options.
Endless confusion about what to do will give way to one answer or another. Yes or no. And believe me when I tell you that everything can be narrowed down to these two options, and I can teach you how to do it.
I know this because I have managed to do this for myself and am literally the happiest I have ever been because of it. It’s even reached the point where I roll out of bed smiling and excited about how my day will go (and that is not an exaggeration).
You are terrified about making the wrong choice. There is too much to consider, too many moving parts. Not enough concrete facts, only estimations that are impossible to measure accurately.
But you take a deep breath. And you realize that the answer to every question (no matter how difficult) can be broken down into smaller and smaller bits. All the way down until the first question you ask yourself has either a “yes” or “no” answer.
I can teach you how to put that simple "yes" or "no" answer in your pocket and continue forward, forcing yourself to decide in small pieces, going through a series of "yes's" and "no's" until you've reached the conclusion that will allow you to sleep at night:
Yes? No. NO.
I’ve been able to hone this meticulously developed skill in every area of my life:
- Career goals, passions, hobbies
- Professional relationships
- Romantic relationships
- Relationships with friends and family
- Daily routine and self accountability
And honestly, that list doesn’t even include every area of my life. But If you’re thinking this already must be a giant flowchart, you’d be… mostly correct.
I have constructed my flowcharts in the form of what I call “Roadmaps” and as of right now, I have two programs available if you would like to learn more information about them.
The first program is titled, “The Dating Solution” and it is a concrete 12 step roadmap that I use in my personal life to make positive and healthy dating choices.
The other is titled “The Clarity Solution.” The purpose of this Roadmap is to help people create and refine their own moral compass to use as a lens through which they view… everything.
(Notice: I have no intention of convincing people that they should share my moral philosophy. My purpose as a coach and a teacher is to ask people the questions they need to answer honestly in order to lead themselves to their own conclusions).
The difference is,
The Dating Solution (now available for women only but coming soon for men as well) focuses on decisions that directly effect your love life, and by the end of this program you will be able to confidently answer these questions:
— Do I want a “top tier” man? If not, what DO I want?
— If so, what does a “top tier man” even look like? (Have I ever dated one? Am I dating one now?)
— Wait… am I the kind of top tier woman that “a top tier man” would be attracted to?
— If so, where do I find him, and how do keep him?
— If not, should I change myself or change my dating requirements? And how?
The Clarity Solution focuses on decisions that directly effect your general sense of ethical behavior. By the end of this program, you’ll be able to answer these questions:
— Am I a good person by my own definition of a good person?
— If not, how can I learn to become my own definition of a good person?
— How do I surround myself with people who understand and respect me, even if we disagree?
— How do I find people who see the world the same way I do?
— How do I engage in productive conversations with people who are different than me?